California Dreaming

This is a post from a couple years ago…but today as I clean up my desk top I hover over it because on a day like today, in a world that is well, w a y on it’s side, I remember what is innate in me and innate in all of us. I am always grateful to gaga movement language for reminding me.

it has been some months since I was in LA December doing gaga 

why did I not write 

part of it is this work is becoming who I am in way I can’t go back

part of it is 

I’m too full of images, too many things

in this world turned on its side

and I am worried about joy like I am worried if there will be enough water for us all to drink

I want to empty the box

i arrived half empty 

carrying a few fallen moments that I could not catch

I wanted to stay closed but this gaga work opens and opens and opens 

our teacher with a smiling heart, brilliant, talented, exquisite

he new all our names

“you already know what you can do but do you know what you cannot… listen to your weakness that is where you will find true effort, this is where you build strength.”

once again 

gaga just took me along 

the people, the information like a juicy waterway that flows endlessly

I let go 

and an everywhere kind of feeling carried me

connecting to pleasure and passion, to people

dancing effort with joy

from the floor into you and you out into the world

making more in a world that has felt like less

and it was all like a really good dream where everyone was there to move things along

the teacher, the students, the friends

and even the uber drivers 

FrankJamesAnaPedroSharaineBabantundeAbduEdgarMarco 

telling me about life and jobs changing, their love for family, lessons their mothers taught them and being better in the world 

and its hard when things are hard

but keep going

and in the mornings from my window in my LA apartment

i got see the details of the sun rising from the empty railroad tracks 

and remind myself of invisible beginnings 

at night I sat at a restaurant called cafe gratitude both a metaphor and eating experience 

and I would write it all down in my journal, revisiting my notes like its is the only book I own and

I look up at the water glass placed in front of me and I see that it is full