tiny magnificent moments

I was there when the ladder fell down. Another guy came by to help and they were laughing.  I had no idea what they were doing but I enjoyed being there, a voyeur as I was in my rented LA apartment.  It was cool that they were on the roof and I could watch a whole story unfold from my window.  I felt like an old man in flannel pajamas, drinking too much coffee with binoculars, but I did not have binoculars, but still I was like, oh what have we here today?

I wondered what they were building and it was exciting to witness people in real time in a process I knew nothing about. I thought they were fixing the Firestone sign. I watched a while smiling and then it was taking a long time so I went on with my day not knowing at all what they created. In the evening I came back, turned out the light to go to bed and saw what they made.  It made me really happy and full of wow…I was there. I saw what you were building and you did it. Sure it was just a simple gesture but the display meant so much more to me because I was part of the process.

Honestly, If I had not been in a pandemic I am not sure I would think this was as wonderful. I would have been too fast or busy to witness such a magnificent tiny momentThis holiday season I have felt the heaviness of the pandemic set back again. Just when I thought maybe we are getting through, it seems we still have more to go. Somehow being almost done with a pandemic is not quite as amazing as being done, but then again, what will we do when we are done?  My dad always says this is your life right now, so do it.  I remember looking at images of people from the Spanish flu in the NYTIMES when our journey began, wondering, how did they do it? Now I recognize, we are going to be the people in the pictures 100 years from now. People will look at us and think, how did they get through? 

I have an impatient & curious heart.  I usually want to be way over there when I am right here. I want to know why things are happening and what I am supposed to learn.  It has not been easy to hide the process and struggles in this time.  However I am cheered by those who have picked up the fallen ladders, helped hang light higher and laughed alongside me.  I know it’s dark and I told you it took me a while to convince three year olds that magic still exists, so no pretending about the reality of things here. At some point we may have a “Ta-Da moment, the pandemic is over folks!”  In the meantime we are in the kind of tension of living life anyway & that is a really good story.

We are going to be the people in the pictures so let’s get on with it, get in time with our lives. Perhaps our hearts have not learned all we needed to know yet. Perhaps we need to get a little more insane or dark or more magic. When I think about this past year it was the tiny moves and crazy gestures of being here that broke me open like this one. Let’s stand on the roof of our souls. Let’s be the pictures and stories they will talk about in this terrible and beautiful time. 

with love, gratitude & happy everything…

Mary Lynn